Ok, I don’t often reblog things, but I read this yesterday and thought it added such a perfect complement to the Naughty Thoughts book review that I should put it here for people to find. The church issues raised in the book were important and fundamental, but I have to say that the culture of extroversion in the evangelical world was an extra dissonance for me – and probably the first and most immediately/urgently felt dissonance. I love my church friends, I just don’t enjoy seeing them at church – my personality feels assaulted by the format. Anyway. Melody Hanson is a lovely blogger.
If I could have demanded anything
for my shy and wary child,
would I have begged God
make him less cautious?
Would I have wasted
a wish, a prayer, even a thought
on that part of my personality that I hate
and have come to
Make him less afraid.
Make him less
like me: petrified, wooden, shaken, sick to my stomach
Though I hate it about myself,
could I possibly hate this
How is this conceivable?
My baby, my flesh, my skin and bones
always crawling away from people
just like me.
I have learned, when the extroverted-overjoyed-inner-glowing-pastor says almost gleefully to
turn to our neighbor, I don’t immediately
run. I have learned.
Still, the bathroom is a cool, echoing, quiet and comforting place just then;
and I can hear
my heart exploding inside me. Blood pumping, rushing to all extremities.
The fear rushes about me…
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